So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
