she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
