He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
