He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
