U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
