Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
