I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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