My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
