is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
