I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My bed smells like the plague
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
