There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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