I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
