that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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