dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
