I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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