i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
