The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
