Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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