my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hell yes lets make some ravioli
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
