i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
