He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
