Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
