Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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