I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
