Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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