i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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