also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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