Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
