Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
