You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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