yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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