Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Still dying that you shit outside
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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