i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Oh god it's open bar.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
