So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I could have mohawked her pubes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
