By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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