Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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