The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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