I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
