So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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