apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
being pregnant is like rehab
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
