She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
