im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
