Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
