I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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