After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
