I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
