help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
