You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
