My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
