Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
